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THINGS I WILL DO BEFORE I DIE (remixed & shuffled):
1) fall in love.
2) write anecdotes of men whom i have fallen in love with.
3) scale the great wall of china.
4) eat a croissant on the highest level of the eiffel tower.
5) ride a vespa in rome.
6) makeout in the rain.
7) see jason mraz in concert. November 2010
8) roadtrip to a giant music festival and hang with hippies.
9) visit japan with my best friends. Japan 2008
10) go skydiving.
11) go ziplining.
12) go bungee-jumping.
13) go on a roadtrip with no predetermined destination.
14) start a project and finish it.
15) inspire others.
16) get into some sort of professional program.
17) FIND SOMETHING THAT I LOVE. and am willing to pursue for the rest of my life, regardless of the challenges.
18) learn how to ride a bike.
19) love myself.
20) visit every single continent.
21) go on a missions trip to africa.
22) take a photo every day.
23) to stop being lazy.
24) to sweat at least once a day.
25) to laugh until i cry at least once a day.
26) to make someone smile everyday.
27) learn how to play justin bieber on the ukulele.
28) write a song.
29) write a novel and get it published.
30) get a 90 in a university class.
31) to become fluent in at least four languages.
32) to read every book on a booklist.
33) to own a pair of christian louboutin and manolo blahnik heels.
34) to take a cruise down the nile.
35) to sunbathe in greece with ladyfriends.
36) to pull a nuit blanche in barcelona.
37) to get married.
38) to have a family.
39) to see a world expo. Shanghai 2010
40) to go on exchange.
41) to run a marathon.
42) to learn to surf.
43) to swim with the dolphins.
44) to go to harry potter land.
45) to learn to sign language.
46) to learn to say 'i love you' in fifty different languages.
47) to eat at an o-noir restaurant. Montreal 2010
48) to visit a strip club and receive a lapdance. Montreal 2010 and Toronto 2008
49) eat fugu from japan.
50) stay optimistic, never lose hope, and no matter what, remember to be happy.
51) read all of hemingway's works before paris.
52) draw a portrait.
53) take a photo every day for an entire year.
54) listen to 'empire state of mind' on the highest level of the empire state building.
55) drink butterbeer.
56) take a carriage ride through central park. NYC 2011
57) witness a public proposal.
58) organize a massive flashmob.
59) lay down white roses in strawberry fields. NYC 2011
60) get my driver's license.
61) see the loi krathong (festival of lights) in thailand.
62) complete a 365 photo project.
63) go to rwanda for a month and document every single day on a travel blog.
64) backpack through europe.
PLANS:
1) paris 2010, over reading week. i'm looking at airfare right now and it is so do-able. now, to convince julia to let me stay with her for a week and to SAVE UP KASHMONEY. sorry, AA 3D mesh flower sweater, your beauty is inferior to that of PARIS in february and eating croissants on the top level of eiffel tower. (bucket list numero 20.)
2) SAVE UP KASHMONEY-->PARIS.
1) picnic in kinsmen park.
2) play in the waterpark by meewasin, also eat ice cream there, and take lots of lovely photos, and enjoy the sunshine. BLOW BUBBLES.
3) eat sushi with beshmi and nileeka.
4) go to andy shauf feat. julia and her piano with charlotte and have a romantic coffee date; also, blow bubbles.
5) see julia before she leaves for paris!
6) see sarah before she leaves for vancouver!
7) finish writing event proposals for next year. (!!)
8) have a quadruple rendez-vous with sarah, katie, becky, and jenna! and possible do number 2.
9) shave my legs and wax my eyebrows. (!!)
10) read love in the time of cholera. (!!)
i have no life.
my days right now consists (literally) of eating, sleeping, and working. i suppose this is a good thing and my bank account is smiling at me right now. i need a goal-- something to save towards to. i am actually thinking of taking money out of the bank every week/beginning of every money and stuffing it in a giantass ceramic pig. and i will only touch that money under dire situations. but here's the thing, what if my giantass ceramic pig gets stolen?
my heart lusts. often. because i am a very fickle person and i fall in love often. but not with people--surprisingly, i am very loyal with people. with objects, with words, with colours, with seasons, with beverages, with food--i tend to throw around my affection.
things for which i am currently lusting:
1) 3d flower sweater from american apparel.
2) linen-high waisted pleated pant from american apparel in sage.
3) tank dress from american apparel in cobalt.
4) disco pant from american apparel in black.
5) full woven skirt from american apparel in candy cane.
6) lace loose tank in white from american apparel in white.
7) tom shoes in navy.
YES, I AM ONE OF THOSE. i know the corporation sucks. i know the CEO is a dickwad and deserves to burn in hell. i know that it's not really sweatshop free, like they advertise. but i can't help it. whenever i go in, my eyes gleam because everything in there suits me so well and i don't feel that connection with any other store.
idon'tneedidon'tneedidon'tneedidon'tneedidon'tneedidon'tneed!!
maybe the giantass ceramic piggy can be my american apparel fund??
the girl who has everything is one who doesn't realize that she does, yet aspires to live each and every moment.
the girl who has everything is one who places importance in things other than wants and needs, but feelings and dreams.
the girl who has everything lives carefree but conscious of her surroundings; aware of the politics, news, and horrors happening.
i have too many worries; i get bogged down by worries, needs, and wants. maybe it's time that i stop wanting, stop needing, and start living. i wonder if materialism is inherent and if i can ever be rid of it. i almost feel like i need to isolate myself in an environment where hungry is really hungry, cold is really cold, and everything is just as it is. almost like reverse: in order for me to appreciate life at the baseline and stop taking things for granted. maybe then i can truly be free from these sordid chains that i tie onto myself. greed, gluttony, and lust.
Hey Twenty,
I know this is late (it’s almost four days after I’ve passed it on to you).
Hmm... Nineteen. You were naive and scared. Remember your first nights out, drinking, and dancing away. They were fun. They’re still fun. Remember the risks that you took during this year: trying out for soph, peer guides, paper art club director, rebuilding health in Rwanda VP, and most importantly, Explore.
Let’s start with that: Explore. What a wonderful way to end off an incredible year. Not so hot academically but very much so in terms of personal growth and experience. You came to Explore, expecting not to know anybody but instead, you reconnected with great friends and met amazing people. Ruth, Pauline, and Jerica—their faces will be forever etched in the experience. Justin Bieber and chicken will never be the same. You have finally learned how to mime an airplane, and you know how it feels to be rendered completely helpless and tongue-tied in front of a man.
Yes, a man.
Because he is twenty-five years old and looks (in your opinion, only) dirty and old. The dirty old man’s name is Colin. Last name unknown, as you’ve discovered while frantically trying to research him everywhere. I don’t know whether or not his name will be important in a few weeks but as of right now, you are completely infatuated. In that disgusting pre-teen squealy oh-my-god-he-talked-to-me. My hopes for you this year is to find something real and pursue it with somebody.
You are twenty, the gateway to the prime years of your life. You are supposed to go crazy, experiment, and apparently lose all holds to your common sense. It’s time to take a risk, learn to give, and most importantly, learn to open the door to your heart. Does that sound cheesy? It’s okay: you like it anyway. I’m trying to be inspirational here. But I am proud of you for taking a chance and talking to him! You had a conversation that was longer than ten sentences and you became all giddy. It’s almost cute if I can call you cute.
Let's face it: you've always wanted to find that someone, someone. But really, how are you supposed to when you can't even form a coherent sentence in front of a member of the opposite sex? Just be yourself. You can't hide your weirdness, no matter how hard you've tried. It just comes leaking through but appreciate it! Because normal is boring. And normal is not living. And really, being weird is just so much easier. Love yourself the way you are and don`t pay attention that what other people say. At the end of the day, it just you, yourself, and i. Stay true to yourself, because it's uncomfortable if you don't.
Back to Explore. So many things, so many events. Memorable: lady peeing in the crowd during the Jazz Festival, going on all the rides in La Ronde, puking in public at metro after downing raspberry vodka (NO MORE VODKA, PLEASE TWENTY!!), being known as Sushi, Imad and the stolen cheeseburger, airplane miming fail, talking chicken, random laughing fits where Ruth ends up crying, two dollar breakfast, Ingrid Michaelson live, brown accents, asian accents, gangster accents, can I have your number?, birthday dilemma, The Handlicker, seeing Will I Am DJ a foot away from you and dancing the nights away, Harvey’s, Pauline’s lapdance, Karaoke boy’s beautiful rendition of Celine Dion, being shy, being drunk in class—looking like a living tomato and slurring in French, horsedrawn carriage rides in Old Montreal with Huggy and Helen, not knowing how to turn a three-person bike around and having to lift it, buskers, music, music, music, dizziness, stumbling on the Metro, being scared by racoons—almost breaking your ankle because of raccoons, your tiny dirty room, being sweaty and smelly because of the heat wave and almost missing it when it’s cold, kayaking during the middle of a thunderstorm, Quebec & Ottawa, eating in a pitch black restaurant and falling asleep. So many memories. So many good times. What a great way to start off the year.
Aren’t you glad that you decided to take a leap of faith? And stay optimistic? The thing is, you wouldn’t be here if you were afraid. You wouldn’t be here if you didn’t decide to grow a pair and be independent. So advice for next year: never be afraid to take a chance. You meet some people, they like you and they don’t. But the ones who do stay are amazing (Jerica, Ruth, and Pauline) and really accept you for exactly what you are. That’s better than having a huge group of empty friendships.
Other memorable things that happened this year: went to China, saw many beautiful things and travelled. You had a sweet summer. You are lucky. Appreciate it. And never forget to love. But also learn to be selective. You put people on pedestals when really, we’re all the same inside. Treat yourself like you would to them and ALWAYS, ALWAYS be nice. Because you know what it feels like to be ignored. You know what it feels like when nobody likes you. It is shitty and NOBODY WANTS TO FEEL THIS WAY. No matter how much they deserve it, always be nice. But stand up for yourself. Don’t do things that you don’t want to do, unless the person is important to you. You have amazing friends who would do anything for you and a family that loves you despite all your bitchy fits.
Goals for next year: FIND OUT WHAT YOU WANT. And pursue it. Doesn’t matter what it is because I KNOW YOU CAN BE SOMEBODY AMAZING. If you would only grit your teeth and are willing to suffer through the changes. Be inspired daily. Don’t be afraid to look stupid. And I guess that’s it. A lot of things from Explore. But you know that your memory is quite shitty.
Have a good year and love always,
Nineteen.
i've returned from a five week hiatus. i was simply too busy living to update, as well as walking uphill. my leg muscles had better be toned.
expectations are strange things--you usually expect too much and you get disappointed in the end. or rather, you expect something to happen and it doesn't and you get disappointed.
montreal, montreal, montreal. where do i start?
to call you a disappointment, would be blasphemy. because you weren't. but i was just expecting different things than the ones that had transpired.
things i expected: to fall in love.
with a person. briefly. for five weeks. a whirlwind romance in old cobblestone streets, so very reminiscent of enchanting europe.
instead, i fell in love with the city, with a sandwich, with a certain fast food restaurant on peel st., with friends, with three person bicycles, tequila shots, and techno music.
i feel like it is a good trade. although i was pathetically infatuated with a man and couldn't even muster the courage to speak to him. i think i had maybe spoken to him twice over the entire five week period in which he was seated across the room.
bravo, self, bravo. note to self: grow a pair by next year, please. one regret but i swear, the next time, if i ever chance upon him again, I WILL SPEAK TO HIM. and we will have conversations. and maybe even become friends.
that is all. will be posting a letter from nineteen later. (it is tradition.)
