Hey Twenty.

Hey Twenty,

I know this is late (it’s almost four days after I’ve passed it on to you).
Hmm... Nineteen. You were naive and scared. Remember your first nights out, drinking, and dancing away. They were fun. They’re still fun. Remember the risks that you took during this year: trying out for soph, peer guides, paper art club director, rebuilding health in Rwanda VP, and most importantly, Explore.

Let’s start with that: Explore. What a wonderful way to end off an incredible year. Not so hot academically but very much so in terms of personal growth and experience. You came to Explore, expecting not to know anybody but instead, you reconnected with great friends and met amazing people. Ruth, Pauline, and Jerica—their faces will be forever etched in the experience. Justin Bieber and chicken will never be the same. You have finally learned how to mime an airplane, and you know how it feels to be rendered completely helpless and tongue-tied in front of a man.

Yes, a man.

Because he is twenty-five years old and looks (in your opinion, only) dirty and old. The dirty old man’s name is Colin. Last name unknown, as you’ve discovered while frantically trying to research him everywhere. I don’t know whether or not his name will be important in a few weeks but as of right now, you are completely infatuated. In that disgusting pre-teen squealy oh-my-god-he-talked-to-me. My hopes for you this year is to find something real and pursue it with somebody.

You are twenty, the gateway to the prime years of your life. You are supposed to go crazy, experiment, and apparently lose all holds to your common sense. It’s time to take a risk, learn to give, and most importantly, learn to open the door to your heart. Does that sound cheesy? It’s okay: you like it anyway. I’m trying to be inspirational here. But I am proud of you for taking a chance and talking to him! You had a conversation that was longer than ten sentences and you became all giddy. It’s almost cute if I can call you cute.

Let's face it: you've always wanted to find that someone, someone. But really, how are you supposed to when you can't even form a coherent sentence in front of a member of the opposite sex? Just be yourself. You can't hide your weirdness, no matter how hard you've tried. It just comes leaking through but appreciate it! Because normal is boring. And normal is not living. And really, being weird is just so much easier. Love yourself the way you are and don`t pay attention that what other people say. At the end of the day, it just you, yourself, and i. Stay true to yourself, because it's uncomfortable if you don't.

Back to Explore. So many things, so many events. Memorable: lady peeing in the crowd during the Jazz Festival, going on all the rides in La Ronde, puking in public at metro after downing raspberry vodka (NO MORE VODKA, PLEASE TWENTY!!), being known as Sushi, Imad and the stolen cheeseburger, airplane miming fail, talking chicken, random laughing fits where Ruth ends up crying, two dollar breakfast, Ingrid Michaelson live, brown accents, asian accents, gangster accents, can I have your number?, birthday dilemma, The Handlicker, seeing Will I Am DJ a foot away from you and dancing the nights away, Harvey’s, Pauline’s lapdance, Karaoke boy’s beautiful rendition of Celine Dion, being shy, being drunk in class—looking like a living tomato and slurring in French, horsedrawn carriage rides in Old Montreal with Huggy and Helen, not knowing how to turn a three-person bike around and having to lift it, buskers, music, music, music, dizziness, stumbling on the Metro, being scared by racoons—almost breaking your ankle because of raccoons, your tiny dirty room, being sweaty and smelly because of the heat wave and almost missing it when it’s cold, kayaking during the middle of a thunderstorm, Quebec & Ottawa, eating in a pitch black restaurant and falling asleep. So many memories. So many good times. What a great way to start off the year.

Aren’t you glad that you decided to take a leap of faith? And stay optimistic? The thing is, you wouldn’t be here if you were afraid. You wouldn’t be here if you didn’t decide to grow a pair and be independent. So advice for next year: never be afraid to take a chance. You meet some people, they like you and they don’t. But the ones who do stay are amazing (Jerica, Ruth, and Pauline) and really accept you for exactly what you are. That’s better than having a huge group of empty friendships.

Other memorable things that happened this year: went to China, saw many beautiful things and travelled. You had a sweet summer. You are lucky. Appreciate it. And never forget to love. But also learn to be selective. You put people on pedestals when really, we’re all the same inside. Treat yourself like you would to them and ALWAYS, ALWAYS be nice. Because you know what it feels like to be ignored. You know what it feels like when nobody likes you. It is shitty and NOBODY WANTS TO FEEL THIS WAY. No matter how much they deserve it, always be nice. But stand up for yourself. Don’t do things that you don’t want to do, unless the person is important to you. You have amazing friends who would do anything for you and a family that loves you despite all your bitchy fits.

Goals for next year: FIND OUT WHAT YOU WANT. And pursue it. Doesn’t matter what it is because I KNOW YOU CAN BE SOMEBODY AMAZING. If you would only grit your teeth and are willing to suffer through the changes. Be inspired daily. Don’t be afraid to look stupid. And I guess that’s it. A lot of things from Explore. But you know that your memory is quite shitty.

Have a good year and love always,
Nineteen.